Monday, January 03, 2005

Soft in the Middle

Have you noticed that it’s the folks least likely to be affected by terrorism who are most afeared of it? The September 11 attacks struck New York, Pennsylvania, and Washington D.C.—all of which went for Kerry on November 2, by the way—yet the loudest voices calling for Muslim roundups come from the sea of red in the Midwest and South. Could it be that gullible, poorly educated, "regular" ’Murcans are more susceptible to a fear-mongering government?

Now word out of West Tennessee is that locals don’t want Muslims to build a cemetery on the site of an old farm, on accounta it might become a tairrist staging area. (You know, Graceland represents the very kind of freedoms them tairrists hate—the freedom to put shag carpeting on the ceiling, the freedom to wear spangled jumpsuits, the freedom to eat seventeen fried peanut-butter-and-banana sandwiches at a single sitting, etc.*) Even worse, the unembalmed bodies of them dirty A-rabs might spread disease. (See? Even the dead ones are trying to kill us!)

Says one local farmer/patriot named John Wilson:
"We know for a fact that Muslim mosques have been used as terrorist hide-outs and centers for terrorist activities….Ladies and gentlemen, you may think this is far-fetched, but that is what the Jewish people thought when the Nazis started taking a small foothold, a little at a time, in their community."

Wait a minute…the Nazi’s "started taking a small foothold" on the Jewish community? By "started taking a small foothold" do you mean "started forming roving bands of brown-shirted thugs to beat and murder random citizens and destroy their property"? 'Cause I'm pretty sure that’s not the same thing as building a cemetery.

*None of this is meant to denigrate the musical talents of the King, which I admire greatly. But he was one over-the-top, fat, tacky sumbitch at the end there.

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