The Bush Jobs Plan

NTodd's got the scoop:

Sunday, Oct 17, 2004
Guns, When Do We Get Guns?

President Bush declared today, "the best way to avoid the draft is to vote for me."

He then went on to describe his plan to reinforce Second Amendment rights, boost the struggling job market and increase national security. Called the Arms, Retraining, and Modified Safety (ARMS) act, the President's plan calls on Congress to give all US citizens an M-16 to "honor our sacred right to bear arms". The proposed law also includes provisions for one year of employment retraining: citizens would get to "job shadow" US troops in stable locations such as Iraq and Afghanistan and learn many skills required to succeed in today's global economy.

"Read my lips," Mr. Bush said to a madly cheering group of loyal Americans. "There will be no draft during my second term, and there will be ZERO PERCENT unemployment!"

Senator Kerry called the Bush plan a "backdoor draft", but Bush advisor Karl Rove scoffed at the notion, observing that there is no mention of the word 'draft' in any of the proposal's language. "Mr. Kerry just wants to make the draft an issue because it would be wildly unpopular. But this President stands on principle, not the shifting sands of political convenience. He is showing great leadership by telling the people exactly what they want to hear: there will be no draft, but everybody will get a great job and a weapon of their very own."

Undecided voter Eugene Tackleberry admitted that if he thought Bush would institute a draft during his second term, that might dissuade him from voting for the President. "But a plan that gives everybody jobs and guns? I'd vote for that in a heartbeat."