Debased Medal

Once, you had to know a few wise guys and sing in Las Vegas for a couple of decades to receive the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest honor the United States can confer on a civilian.

Now it's merely necessary to fabricate intelligence (George "Slam Dunk" Tenet), complete fuck up an occupation (Paul "We Don't Need No Stinkin' Iraqi Army") Bremer, or go to war with the army you have like a good, silent general (Tommy "I'll Watch My Unarmored Troops Get Massacred As Long As You Don't Fire Me" Franks) to receive the trinket, which, hereinafter, Boring Diatribe will refer to as "The Bush Loyalist Medal".

What's a Banana Republic without a whole Special Olympics worth of medals strewn among the meat-packing glitterati? The Maximum Leader should award himself a few medals, and since he's the C-in-C, a chest full of happily clanking hardware both military and civilian would not be amiss.

If any of our readers are tapped for the "honor" (although reading this blog probably just disqualified you) we advise you to the hock the bauble and buy a soldier a bulletproof vest. Maybe you'll have enough left over to buy the bar of soap you'll need after the ceremony.